Summer Habits of Dragons

Day 1:

Perhaps deciding to study a desert island inhabited by dragons with only a few others wasn’t the smartest decision ever, especially in the middle of summer, but I’m sure we will all survive.

Day 2:

Dragons do not like tsunamis.

Day 5:

Commander Smith’s new rule is that if a dragon comes rampaging into our camp, we are not allowed to propose cooking food to serve the dragon as a distraction, especially if the planned meal involves glazing one of the elves with orange sauce and serving him with summer squash.  

He also did not like the argument that I thought the whole reason we banned 100 year old humans but not elves or dwarves was that 100 year old humans would be gamey, but the others still usable as emergency food/bribery supplies.

Day 8:

The male elf is finally recovered from his injuries sustained during the initial attempt to feed him to the dragon.

He attempted to challenge me to a duel, which I immediately accepted and then tried to burn him to death with the blowtorch. Apparently this is not proper dueling etiquette, and I am also not allowed to show off pictures of Meda as my backup weapon, because now we have a statue of an elf instead of an elf. Commander Smith did not like my shrug when he asked me if this would reverse.

I’m still not sure why we brought a blowtorch to an island that is a barren wilderness due to dragon fire and that still has live dragons who breathe fire.

Am using the elf to track time like a sundial. Have dressed him in sunglasses and flip-flops to be seasonal.

Day 13:

Scientific study means we also need to actually study any buildings we come across, even if they are actually mansion-temples for the Dragon Cult and would likely curse us all to eternal torment in hell if entered.

Female Elf informed me that it doesn’t matter, because the combined heat on a desert island full of dragons in the middle of summer and a burning mansion is already hot as hell.

Day 18:

Commander Smith handcuffed me to the side of our boat after I attempted to sell the female elf to a passing ship. Apparently both because I tried to do it and because I misrepresented her as always naked and already belonging to another creepy guy on the island.

Am hoping he removes the handcuffs before she decides to actually kill me instead of just throwing knives at me.

Am also not allowed to portray female elf as the annual Lothlorien Summer Bikini contest winner, because Lothlorien is fictional and she has never actually entered a bikini contest.

Day 21:

In actual research, have discovered dragons favorite food during the summer is roasted orge.

Orges are not kosher animals,  because they lack cloven hooves, so apparently dragons are not Jewish.

Day 22:

Have been informed previous side note was inappropriate and not scientifically proven to apply to all dragons.

Also have been informed it’s now my job to take care of statue elf and make sure summer storms don’t break him in half.

Day 25:

Sudden summer storm came on and broke statue elf’s hand off.

On the bright side, the broken hand actually reversed him from statue state.

On the downside, he’s now missing a hand.

Day 28:

Sunburn on a desert island in the middle of summer is no joke. It’s 105 degrees out, with no signs of it getting cooler.

The dragons migrated off the island yesterday, so at least we get to leave this island now.

Day 31:

Am home. Taking children to Disney tomorrow.

Hoping elves don’t appear out of nowhere and stab me with a knife again.

Picked blackberries, since they’re having their first crop and we’re no longer on a vegetation free island.