A Brief Note On Hobbits

In the Fourth Age, the elves of Valinor attempted to rewrite their books to deal with these new Hobbits. The explanations were laughably bad.

It is the opinion of the authors that the rumors, brought over by the recently returned elves from Middle-earth, of there being a distinct type of Men are exaggerated. It is quite impossible that Illúvatar would have intended for any of his children to be that short.

It is well-known that the dwarves owe their height solely to the mistakes that were made during their making by Lord Aulë as he tried to hide his new children. This mistake was not corrected by Illúvatar, who allowed it to persist in his wisdom in order to convey to all of his children that his wishes and guidance is not to be questioned and that none save him shall try to create, a mistake that was repeated by Fëanáro with the Silmarils.

Bearing all of that in mind, it is far more likely that Hobbits is simply a term applied to all such Men who suffer from a distinct lack of height. Owing to the frailty of Men compared to Elves, and the way that all of those who come from the distant lands seem to be disadvantaged in height compared to those blessed to grow up in these lands, it can be easily believed that some of their children would in fact stop growing a quite a short height.

Lord Manwë has assured the writers of your textbook that there is no danger of exposing any children of Valinor who happen to express interest in either of the Hobbits currently living on Tol Eressëa to them, and that there will be no negative effects on the child’s height. However, we recommend against it due to the shock and horror that your children may experience when confronted with such obvious evidence of the poor living conditions in Middle-earth and the callous disregard shown by those elves who have been there most recently, as evidenced by the refusal of several of the recently arrived to discuss whether they had attempted to provide guidance to such unfortunate beings as to how they could grow taller.